Mental Health Self-Care for Parents and Caregivers

On March 20, PEN hosted a program for parents on the topic of self-care because we recognize that if we, as parents, don’t take care of ourselves that it’s more difficult to support the people around us.  Thanks to Clinical Psychologist Dr. Mona Kumar, PhD for her presentation and valuable insight.  You can watch a recording of the program here or view the presentation slides.   Here are the highlights from the program: 

  • Parents were reminded that it’s been tough year for everyone, so that we’re not alone in feeling the stress of the pandemic.  Parents have to negotiate our own needs as well as the needs of our family members as everyone works and does school from home. 

  • Parents may be feeling guilty about how much time you do or don’t have to support your family, but you also may feel anger or apathy as it’s challenging to balance your own needs and your children’s needs.

  • Dr. Kumar introduced the concept of Good Enough Parenting. The idea is to remember that your job isn’t to meet every need that your child has.  Perfection isn’t possible and it isn’t in the best interest of your children for you to try to meet every one of their needs.  By being responsive rather than trying to be perfect, our children will learn how to meet some of their own needs, which will make them more resilient and resourceful.  Allow your children to experience tolerable frustrations so they discover their own coping methods.

  • Remember to cut yourself some slack!  Try not to hold yourself to a rigid set of standards.

  • Keep in mind that Pandemic Parenting isn’t like anything you’ve done before.  Typically, parenting is a collaborative job that includes your friends’ parents, extended family, teachers, coaches, etc.  During the pandemic, parents have had to do it all…you’ve had to be the parent, teacher, coach, playmate, full time childcare giver, and more.  Plus you’re managing your household, and possibly a job or illness.  The pandemic changed the job description of a parent!

Signs of stress and anxiety: irritability; worry; anger; difficulty sleeping, eating, and/or concentrating

Ways to Take care of Yourself

  • Allow yourself to be a good enough parent

  • Adjust your expectations (be okay with doing less)

  • Stay in contact with your friends and family

  • Be flexible and bend the rules

  • Take a break

  • Find what’s comfortable for you

  • Self-care (eat, sleep, exercise, find things that give you energy)

  • Seek out a therapist if you need additional support

Recommended Reading: Self compassion by Kristin Neff; Wisdom from the Couch by Jennifer Kunst; How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Maslish; and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brenee Brown

Recommended Websites: www.psychologytoday.com; www.heysigmund.com; www.helpguide.org; www.betterhelp.com

 To contact Dr. Kumar, visit www.drmonakumar.com  .

nancy dufford